The Elephant in the Room
by AnnabellArcher
Summary: This is just my theory on what happened in the "elephant in the room" case that Sherlock mentioned.


"... John?"

"... Yeah, Sherlock?"

"You see the elephant too, right?"

John nodded mutely, the pair still staring at the large animal that had somehow gotten into their flat.

"Good." said Sherlock, breaking his gaze, then moving around the large animal to get to his laptop, behaving as if there was nothing out of the ordinary going on. "Mycroft gets huffy when I use hallucinogens. He becomes even more annoying than usual. "

"Yeah- wait, do you have experience with more drugs than cocaine?" said John, he, too, looking away from the unexpected visitor.

"Yes, John." said Sherlock, trying, and failing, to not sound condescending. "That's what I just said."

"Sherlock, are you aware of the health risks involved in drugs like that? And you used things like it just for mental stimulation! What were-"

"John." said Sherlock calmly, interrupting his friend's lecture. "There is an elephant in the room. Let's focus on that." as he said it, he swatted at the elephant's trunk which was grabbing for his laptop.

"... Right. But we're talking about this later!" said John, pointing a finger threateningly at his flatmate. Sherlock rolled his eyes and threw up his hands in mock fear before once again turning to his laptop. John sighed, rubbing his eyes. _It's too early in the day to be this irritated by Sherlock._ He thought, before looking once more at the elephant, which was blinking at the two men uncomprehendingly. "Hi, there." he said, walking up to pat his knee, which was the highest point that poor John could reach.

"You know, I was had an experience with one of these back in Afghanistan." said John, vaguely. Sherlock said nothing, but his eyebrows raised slightly with interest. "Yeah, it was in the wild. It was a mother and two kids, and we knew mothers could be protective so we didn't get too close, but still, it was pretty amazing. It's hard to think in such a war-torn place as that, something as beautiful as elephants could still… exist." There was silence for a moment before Sherlock spoke again, keeping his eyes on his laptop.

"Why are you telling me this?"

John shrugged, then sighed. "I dunno. Thought you might be interested."

"If you want to interest me, just look at this," said Sherlock, standing and bringing his laptop over to John.

"'Elephant gone missing'," read John.

"It's a news article featuring our friend here." said Sherlock.

"Yeah, it looks like it." said John, skimming the article. Blah blah blah, tragedy, blah blah blah, zookeepers worry, blah blah blah, hope for safe return. "We need to return him Sherlock, Sherlock!" said John turning around to find his friend no longer beside him.

"What?" said the detective

"Sherlock, come back here!"

"No."

"Sherlock, you get off that elephant right now!"

"You can't make me!"

"Get down, he's not ours!"

"You're just jealous 'cuz you're not tall enough to get up here."

"You're going to hit your head on the ceiling or fall off or something!"

"What if I helped you up? Would that make you happy?"

"... fine."

A knock came on the door. "Boys, what's going on up here, I keep hearing noi...ses"

"Oh, hello Mrs. Hudson." said John, his face falling from his large smile, then turning red at the strange sight there must have been. He and Sherlock, on the back of an elephant that Mrs. Hudson didn't know was there, himself sitting behind Sherlock with his arms around the detective's waist to support himself, the two of them laughing like maniacs a moment before.

The sight was enough to make the poor woman faint. There was silence for a moment before Sherlock turned around to look at John, who still had his arms around the man's waist, before the both of them bust up laughing.

Eventually John stopped laughing long enough to stutter out, "We… we should probably… help her up."

"Well," said Sherlock, hesitating slightly. "She's not in any immediate danger… it's a lot of effort to get down… she won't know if we leave her for just a bit longer… and she interrupted us in the middle of something. Care to continue?"

John hesitated for a moment, too. Then his face broke into a wide grin and he exclaimed, "We're going on an adventure!"

Before too long Mrs. Hudson was helped up off the floor, then back downstairs, and the two friends were sitting, with Sherlock in his chair and John on the couch, both facing the elephant and still giggling slightly. Finally John spoke.

"Sherlock?"

"Hm?"

"Did-did we… you know… tell anyone that we have an elephant in our flat?"

Sherlock sat for a moment before speaking. "Well… Mrs. Hudson knows… now."

John could help but burst into laughter again, before getting out, "call… call Greg!"

"Who?" asked Sherlock, also laughing.

"Lestrade, you idiot!"

A few minutes later, a very out of breath Lestrade was at their door. "I'm… wheeze… here… where's… wheeze… the killer… wheeze." his eyes were half-closed, so he hadn't yet seen the elephant in the room.

"Greg, come in- what do you mean, 'killer'?" said John, escorting the detective inside.

"Sherlock… wheeze… said… cough cough-" he fell back in his chair in a fit of coughing, his eyes still screwed shut.

"Sherlock, what did you do?" said John, turning to the detective.

The man looked over, a slightly guilty look on his face. He fidgeted awkwardly for a moment before exclaiming. "Well, I thought he wouldn't get here fast enough!"

"Wait wait wait," wheezed Lestrade, sitting up, "so there's no- WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!"

"It's called an elephant, Lestrade," said Sherlock, as if speaking to a child, "they're native to Africa and certain regions of-"

"I know what it is!" screamed Lestrade, still gaping at the poor creature. "What is it doing in your flat? We've been searching for him for days! How did you lot get a hold of him?"

"We don't know," said John, putting a hand on Lestrade's shoulder to help calm him down. "He just appeared in our flat today."

"Well… as long as he's found… I suppose. Let's uh… let's get him back… somehow."

"No!" screeched Sherlock, springing up and running to hug the elephant's leg. "You can't take Cosmo!"

"… Cosmo?" asked John.

"Yes, Cosmo." said Sherlock, now climbing onto the elephant's back. "His name is Cosmo and he wants to stay with us."

"You can't keep him!" called Lestrade up to where Sherlock was.

"Are you sure you're not on any drugs right now?" called up John a moment later, earning him a glare from both detectives.

"Come on, John. Surely you want Cosmo to stay! I mean… he's a freaking elephant!"

"Well… he'd be fun, but we can't keep him. He needs more space than just our flat, not to mention we wouldn't be able to feed him. We need to return him."

"OK." sighed Sherlock, "but… Is there a specific way we have to return him?"

"What do you mean?" asked John.

"Well, we need to return him… I want to ride him one more time… there's the exit…"he shrugged and reached down a hand, indicating to help John up again.

John glanced at Lestrade and hesitated a moment before sighing. "Alright, Sherlock," and, with a small smile, he grabbed his friend's hand and hoisted himself up. Sherlock's hand stayed down, hovering in front of Lestrade.

"Come on," goaded Sherlock, "you know you want to."

"You're both mad." was Lestrade's response.

"A madman with an elephant." said Sherlock and, after a moment, Lestrade sighed and hoisted himself up on Cosmo's back, seating himself behind John.

"This is amazing!" screeched Lestrade as the three of them rode elephant-back down the streets of London.

"Sherlock, do you know where we're going?" asked John.

"Of course I do, I've got every street in London memorized."

"But the zoo's that way." said John, jerking his head in the other direction.

Sherlock shrugged. "I'm taking the scenic route." he called.

"Woo-hoo!" screamed Lestrade, getting a little too excited.

John could help but laugh, and soon Sherlock and Lestrade joined him, all overcome with the absurdity of their situation

Eventually the three of them got Cosmo to the zoo, and Lestrade hurried away, having left work early to deal with Sherlock's fake serial killer.

A couple days passed and John was happy to read the newspaper report of Cosmo's safe return to his habitat.

"Hey, Sherlock?" he upon receiving such news.

"Hm?"

"Do you want to go to the zoo?"

Sherlock stared at him for a moment before breaking into a wide grin.

The two of them were standing at the elephant habitat with a crowd of people, all there to see the recently returned Cosmo, when John spoke.

"You know, I'd just would've liked to have known-"

"You would've like to have known why someone put an elephant in our flat, it's simple really. They were a part of Moriarty's web, stealing the elephant with the intent of holding it for ransom or, should that prove insufficient, simply selling him. After a while though, they got cold feet and wished to return him, but couldn't find a safe way to do so, therefore they had to return it to somewhere he would be found and returned, but he himself would not be caught. Therefore, the flat of a consulting detective seemed appropriate."

"I… OK… but I was going to say, I would've liked to have known that it was possible for you to get attached to an animal. I mean, you're so serious and logical and you never get attached to anything."

Sherlock thought for a moment before responding, "You mean, it's strange how in such a war-torn, unemotional place like my mind, there's still room for beautiful things like love to exist."


End file.
